A bit teary eyed tonight

Yes, I'm an emotional wreck. On top of all the stuff we are going through right now, the 3-footer has really been giving me an incredibly hard time. Lately everything is a fight. For instance, this morning I asked her if she wanted yogurt and cereal. Her response was yes. I asked her if she wanted them mixed together. Her response was yes. I set it down on the table, and she went ballistic on me. She said to me "I didn't want them mixed!" Seriously??? Of course it continued on like that. She said she wanted jelly on top, so I put a spoonful of strawberry preserves on top. Right after that she said she didn't want it! Then she started to mix it up, and said she couldn't do it. So I asked her if she wanted my help mixing it, to which she said yes. So I did, and as soon as I was done, she said "I didn't want it mixed!"

I don't get it.

So at this point she was saying it smelled yucky, and was saying she didnt want to eat. Also at this point, I was fed up of going round and round. So breakfast got thrown away. That was promptly followed by the 3-footer screaming like a banshee. So off to time out she went. Then back into time out because she was still screaming, and I think back again for a 3rd time.

The same thing happened tonight. For some reason cleaning her room is becoming a fight. Get this though... the fight is that she is taking too long, so I start doing it, and then she gets upset when I do it saying "I WANTED TO CLEAN MY ROOM!"

So back to time out, and back to screaming like a banshee.

I don't want my child to hate me. I don't want my child to need therapy because of my parenting. Spanking doesn't work, at this point I only feel like a crappy parent resorting to that and she does a good job at making me feel like I'm abusing her (I'm not!). I've taken tons of toys away, in fact they are all over my room, and I'm running out of space. I'm getting tired.

Usually I read her a story, we say prayers, then I say goodnight and I love you like 15 times. So, when she pulls stuff like tonight I don't read her a story. I honestly hate that. It was just a few years ago, maybe even a few months ago, that that was my snuggle time with her. I loved bed time. Anyways, tonight I started crying after I put her to bed. When did she grow up so quickly? It seems like yesterday I had a little baby I was rocking to sleep, then a toddler that I was enjoying snuggle-cuddle time... now I have a preschooler that I am fighting with on a constant basis.

So now I wonder.... is it going to go down hill from here? Does it possibly get worse as they get older?? Seriously if it does, I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. My head and neck literally ache from the last few days of screaming and fighting back and forth. I dread her becoming a teenager. I worry I push her too hard and that is why she is turning into what she is. I wonder if it's too late to change things. I seriously feel like I'm failing as a parent.

So if anyone has any suggestions as to how to get through the next 14 years, please let me know! I'm not sure how much more I can handle!